Being a mother is a difficult job. Not know whether you’re doing it right and setting a good example all the time is HARD!
Not everything that works for one mother, works for another. I feel like mothers are so judemental (me included) when we should be more loving and supportive of each other. It’s easy to dawg (<that’s a technical term) on other mothers when you haven’t been through the same situation.
Jennifer from Mom Spotted gave me the inspiration (and the courage) to write this post after she wrote a post about Dealing With Gender Disappointment.
Did you know? 1 in 8 moms experience Postpartum Depression – sadness, mood swings, anxiety and loss of appetite! (A lot more than you thought huh?!) Some believe a sharp drop in oestrogen levels after birth is to blame.
PPD is often portrayed in a negative way and is extremely misunderstood by both moms and doctors. Most people think mothers with PPD cry constantly and want to kill their children. Moms worry what others will think which can make it difficult to seek help.
FACTS about PPD:
- Women with PPD usually have low mood, prominent anxiety and worry, disrupted sleep, feelings of being overwhelmed, and can also feel very guilty that they are not enjoying their experience of motherhood.
- You can have postpartum depression any time in your baby’s first year, not just the first few days or months.
- Postpartum depression is often confused with postpartum psychosis. Moms may harm their kids during psychosis. Postpartum psychosis is rare. About 1 in 8 new moms gets postpartum depression whereas 1 in 1,000 gets postpartum psychosis.
- PPD is a real illness. Women often blame themselves for having PPD and experience guilt over their symptoms because they’re not basking in some magical bliss of motherhood. Estrogen and progesterone hormones play a substantial role in PPD.
I was researching while writing this post (see, isn’t blogging therapeutic) and I realized there are all types of perinatal disorders – including Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Anxiety, Postpartum Psychosis, AND Postpartum Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
Two things really stood out to me:
“Hypervigilance in protecting the infant”
Which is 100% me. I’m constantly worried that something is going to happen. Especially now that I have two girls. I’m always scared that my 2-year-old might accidentally hurt my 9-month-old or feed her something she shouldn’t have.
We have cameras in both the baby’s rooms which I can check directly from my iPhone. I don’t stare at them constantly but I like the feeling of knowing that I can check on them and see them any time I want.
“Compulsions, where the mom may do certain things over and over again to reduce her fears and obsessions. This may include things like needing to clean constantly, check things many times…”
I check to make sure our doors are locked multiple times a day. Almost every time I walk through the room, I look to see if the deadbolt is locked. I lock the doors without noticing. Even when we have company or if my hubby just stepped outside. And God forbid the doorbell ring.
The cleaning got worse when my little one started crawling. I feel like the floor must be spotless all the time or she could eat something and choke. And I wash my hands after I touch anything. Yeah that pretty much sums that up.
I constantly feel beat. I can’t wait to fall into bed at night and I dread hearing that alarm clock go off in the morning! I think I’ve kept that all in, thinking I could handle it, which has only made my mood and anxiety worse. I also had surgery just a few months after my second was born so I’m still healing and in constant pain – it affects how I sleep, how I drive, how I sit, which doesn’t always help my mood either.
Both my mind and body are worn down.
I KNOW I am lucky to have two beautiful girls, and a wonderful loving husband. I KNOW I don’t need to keep the doors barricaded at all times. I KNOW I don’t need to wash my hands thousands of times a day. BUT it doesn’t change the fact that I feel the stress and anxiety and the guilt for feeling it!
The worse part for me is I am worried about passing this along to my girls. I can already see how Natalie copies everything I do. She has red dry hands from washing them so much… just like me. I see myself in my mom sometimes. She NEVER let us get into the fridge without washing our hands first.
I never realized how much I enjoy working out or what a stress reliever it could be. I recently started eating really healthy and exercising everyday. It’s painfully hard work but I feel so much better once I’ve completed my workout!
I think I’ve also made a huge step today by admitting to myself that IT IS REAL and it does get better.
The weird thing is I don’t remember feeling this way after my first was born. I felt different even with the pregnancy. I even mentioned it to my husband and midwife. I think it’s because our second was such an unexpected shock. I also didn’t get to breastfeed as long as I had planned (again due my surgery) and I wonder if that affected my hormones at all. I’ve thought about taking something like birth control pills to regulate my hormones better, or if that would even work.
This post totally consumed me today but it also felt like a huge turning point for me.
Have you ever experienced a postpartum disorder? What did you do for treatment? Did you know when you were getting better?
Whether we as moms want to admit it or not we all deal with PPD. Even if it is just the tiniest bit. We all have out moments. I think they call it the baby blues like your title says. I think the statistic should be more than 1 in 8.
You’ll get through it. You’re a great mom! Even when you have your doubts. I read somewhere, if you’re not doubting yourself sometimes you’re not doing it right. 🙂
My son was born 8 weeks early, so I’m not sure if I had PPD or was just a total basket-case from that fact, and the fact that my blood pressure was high, I was on meds, and my c-section was infected. I had moments where I would cry “just give him back, I can’t do this, I was wrong!” When I wasn’t overwhelmed with the crazy feeding schedule and everything else, I was overwhelmed with feeling guilty about feeling overwhelmed with that stuff. Hormones combined with sleep deprivation can make us more than a little off kilter. Just remind yourself that you’re perfectly normal (when 1 in 8 women experience something, it’s pretty much part of the norm) and it will pass.
Aww, I’m so happy I could help you talk about this. It’s hard to say things that are not acceptable but the sad truth is that many of us are experiencing these things and there is nothing that makes you a bad person for it. As you know I also suffered from PPD with my first child. So much so I wanted nothing to do with him and I didn’t even care about myself. It took some serious reality shaking from my parents to make me care again. Regardless of how you find your way back, realizing you had a problem and need help fixing it you are doing what’s best for all involved. If you need someone to listen. I’m here 🙂 Always.
It is so funny that you wrote about this because I just did as well last week. Here is what I said: When I got home from the hospital, I was very overwhelmed and tried to do everything on my own. I am usually not the type of person to be afraid to ask for help, but for some reason I was. I didn’t want to bother anyone and I wanted to show them that I can be a great mother and handle everything myself. Well, I broke and the post-partum took over. I thought I was the worst mother ever because as soon as Aldo would walk in from work, I would hand off the baby to him. All I did was cry and feel depressed and that I was a bad mother. I never thought I would ever feel that way, but post-pardum can make you think crazy things. All I knew was I didn’t want to be around anyone and wanted to stay home. I even missed my cousin’s wedding, which I swore I would be there for his special day. We had it all worked out that my mother in-law would watch the baby and Aldo and I would enjoy a nice night out. It never happened. I couldn’t go to a wedding and act happy when I was ready to crawl out of my skin. I couldn’t be around all those people. It still eats away at me today. Aldo got me to go for a drive with him and the baby and we tried three times to stop into the wedding. I would turn right around and say I couldn’t do it. Thank God the post-partum only lasted for 3 weeks. I don’t know what I would of done it had lasted longer. I can’t believe how your emotions play tricks on you and how they can take over your life.
Great post. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a postpartum disorder… though I can identify with having quite a few – very real – obsessive compulsive habits when I was younger. You’r right that we need to be more supportive of each other. When I’m around certain people, thy make it seem like every single thing I do as a mom is wrong. It’s exhausting and unfair. I need to start exercising too. I think that little bit of “me time” would go a long way.